Never Have I Ever
by L'Archel-Hotishi
Summary: To celebrate her birthday, Mayura gets everyone together to play Never Have I Ever. Hilarity and embarrassment ensues. Pure crack/humor. Minor spoilers for the anime / manga. Rated K for language and sexual references.


Title: Never Have I Ever

Disclaimer: I do not own MaLoRa. Please credit all mentioned characters and locations to Sakura Kinoshita! :)

Rating: K+

Author's Note: I played this with my friends at work. Honestly, these characters need to do this. Enjoy a funny, cracky fanfic!

**-START-**

"I can't believe we agreed to this…" Loki sighed as he, Yamino, Narugami, Reiya, Freyr, Heimdall, Koutarou, and Fenrir (who was watching rather than participating) sat in a circle. Everyone was crammed into Loki's study which, while it was large, it was also full of furniture and other things Loki needed for his work. Needless to say, nobody in the room was especially excited to be sitting on the floor in such a strange arrangement. Loki was the most vocal about his confusion and obvious distaste out of everyone in the room. "First, we waste thirty minutes rearranging the furniture just so we can sit on the damned floor and play one of Mayura's dumb games. Secondly, she hasn't even told us what we're playing yet!"

"Now, now…" Yamino said, placing a hand on his father's shoulder in an attempt to calm his father down as much as possible. "We did promise her that on her birthday we'd do whatever she wanted."

The trickster god cursed and crossed his arms. So, the girl was nineteen? Big deal. Loki didn't understand any reason to celebrate. "Well, it better be good."

"I agree, detective," Koutarou said from across the room. The empty spot next to him was for none other than the pink haired girl herself. She'd exited the room briefly and told everyone to stay put while she went to _retrieve something. _"I'm no more excited about this than you are…"

"Obviously."

"But," he snapped, not appreciating Loki's snarky interruption, "It's for Mayura. Let's just get through it."

Everyone nodded. It seemed like the only people who were eager to play were Reiya, Narugami, Freyr, and Fenrir. The first three were simply easily animated by almost anything, and Fenrir didn't have anything to worry about because he wasn't technically playing. He only job was to watch and relish in whatever humiliation was bestowed upon the others. There was a clear veil of silent worry lingering over everyone else in the room. Before anyone else could raise more doubt, Daidouji dashed through the study's door with something cleverly hidden behind her back. Just the sight made Loki roll his eyes. Whatever was hidden in her hands couldn't possibly be worth a moment of his time.

"Okay everyone," she cheered, plopping down in her spot next to her blond classmate. "Gather around! Today we're going to play the most fun game ever!"

"Alright!" Narugami cheering, fist-pumping the air with an intense yell and cheerful grin. "Awesome! I'm the best at games. What is it, huh? It doesn't matter what game it is. I bet I can beat all of you!"

The god of fertility chuckled from across the circle.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Freyr said, winking at the thunder god while rolling up the sleeves of his fancy chemise. "Naturally, I'm going to be the victor."

"Hah! As if! A pansy like you is no match for my strength!"

The two men snarled and faced each other bitterly, as if they were going to start fighting. Koutarou watched the sight with amusement while the other half of the circle sat in silence.

The trickster pulled at his youger son's coat to get his attention. "Hopefully Mayura's game deals with intelligence," Loki whispered to Yamino. "Then half of the circle will be out and we might have a chance to enjoy ourselves." The trickster's son chuckled in agreement and turned his attention to the crimson-eyes girl.

"Miss Mayura, what will we be playing?" Yamino asked with a polite smile.

"I'm glad you asked!" she said. The foreign object was still hidden behind her back, but she was careful to keep it away and out of sight from prying eyes. "We're going to play Never Have I Ever!"

The circle was silent. There was a combination of horror and perplexity on people's faces. Mayura looked around the circle with a self-aware grin plastered on her wide-eyed visage. It took almost a solid minute before Heimdall dared to break the silence. "Isn't that the game where each person says something they've never done before, and if anyone else has done that act, they get a strike?"

"Yep," Mayura said. "Each person gets five strikes. The last person at the end is the winner! That person will also be the lucky one to receive the prize."

Koutarou scoffed and cocked his head in amusement. "Mayura, I highly doubt that will motivate anyone to play. Perhaps a certain freeloader might find that rather tempting…but I don't think you'll be able to sway me. Many of the people here are incredibly wealthy. You might find the reward suitable, but it won't make a difference to the majority of us."

The fact that Koutarou's comment was clearly aimed at the thunder god flew right over Narugami's head, as he didn't turn his head to yell a retort. Mayura, however, puffed a cheek out. While she knew Kakinouchi's words were true, he didn't have to be so openly cruel about it. Besides, she was certain she had something that would get people's attention.

"What's the prize?" Reiya asked with a timid smile. Fenrir was just as curious as the little girl was. After all, it had to be something worthwhile to everyone in the room. Considering the diversity of ages and backgrounds of everyone, he wondered what in the world she could have thought would make everyone want to play a game. It was an ambitious idea that Mayura had. However, Fenrir was fairly certain it wouldn't pan out.

Unless, that is…

"The prize is this!" she said, throwing a slip of paper into the center of the circle. There was signature in the middle of the scrap that could be seen as if floated down to the carpet. "If you win, you get to make me do whatever you want for an entire day!"

Some people were puzzled. Others were skeptical of her prize, until Freyr decided to voice his questions. "Wait a minute. Are you saying that, for an entire day, we can make you do whatever we want you to? "

Mayura nodded and held up the paper, waving it back and forth in front of her face. "I even signed it, so that I can't refuse anything. Besides, I trust all of your guys! None of you would be really mean to me, but I figured each one of you would be able to get something out of it."

That made sense. Loki had to give Mayura credit for coming up with a prize that was decently desirable. If either he or Yamino managed to survive until the end, they could use it to make her do their work. There was no way Yamino would let Mayura clean or cook, but they would be able to send her off to do other odd jobs. In theory, they could even send her away from the mansion for an entire day. It would be twenty-four hours of peace and quiet. Loki nudged Yamino and looked at him from under his auburn bangs. "Yamino…"

"Yes sir?"

"**Win**."

A little stunned by the seriousness of his father's tone, Yamino managed a nod. "Y-Yes, Master Loki."

Reiya wasn't sure how she felt about the reward for winning and, frankly, was more excited about playing a game with her closest friends than actually winning it. Everyone else, however, was smirking and concocting what they would have the girl do for them. Thor, thinking he had a flawless plan, slammed his palm down on the ground and leaned close to Mayura. "So, if I got permission from my boss, would you go to my jobs for me?"

Mayura blinked and pondered the question. "Well…I'm not sure that's allowed, but if you can get your boss to approve, why not? I'll do it!" She finished her sentence with a chipper grin. Narugami, satisfied with her answer, instantly sank back down in his seat and glared at Freyr. His hazel eyes shone a newfound determination.

"There's no way I'm letting any of you guys win!" he said, shoving his sleeves up to his elbows and sitting erectly with the utmost attention. "Let's play!"

"Yeah!"

Heimdall sighed and looked to Mayura. It was her job to decide who went first. After reminding everyone to keep their own score, she went around the circle. Her eyes skimmed over everyone until, finally, she pointing a finger at the very boy who'd told her to pick the starting player in the first place. Heimdall.

"Kazumi, you go first! Remember, try to think of something you've never done before that everyone else has. You want to get as many people out as once as possible. After you're done, we'll just go clockwise. Sound fair?"

There was a unanimous nod.

Mayura clutched an invisible microphone and dramatically overturned her palm in Heimdall's direction. Using her best announcer voice, she commanded him in a pitched cheer, "Alright Kazumi! Show us what you've got!"

The purple-haired watchman cleared his throat and thought carefully. Mayura and Reiya were unaware of their godly powers, so he couldn't be nearly as dirty as he wanted to (otherwise he would have brought up Sleipnir on the first turn) without giving aware their identity. However, he knew the rules of the game called for getting as many people out as possible. It wasn't until when his ruby gaze landed on Loki, a mischievous grin graced his visage. Loki cringed and reeled defensively. Before the trickster could call him out, Heimdall spoke up in a voice that could only be described as venomous. "Never have I ever…slept in after noon."

It was a slow start, but a Loki was still glaring at him in agitation. Loki, Mayura, and a very angry Narugami each lowered one finger. The ball was now in motion, and Loki knew instantly who his first victim would be when it was his turn. Freyr, who was to the left of Heimdall, was next.

The man hummed in thought and swayed side to side in a cutesy fashion as he mused over what to say. Eventually, he smirked and looked to Thor smugly. "Never have I ever had more than one job."

The man to the left of his violently grabbed the man's cape and almost punched him in the face. "That's no fair!" Thor shouted angrily. Freyr chuckled as he saw Narugami's face redden with a mixture of hate and annoyance. "You can't deliberately target me!"

The fertility god's haughty voice was equal parts smooth and condescending. "That's not in the rules, though. I believe my turn stands."

The thunder god released Freyr's cape, which the fertility got buffed with his gloves lovingly after it left Thor's dirty hands. Mayura was glad that Narugami had let the mysterious thief live, but she had to admit, it frightened her a little bit. Narugami was obviously very competitive, and she was more scared for Reiya's young soul than she was for anyone else's safety. He could be quite foul when he was legitimately agitated. "Easy, Narugami!" she said, reaching across Koutarou to place a hand on the sleeve of his evergreen blazer. "It's your turn! Good luck!"

Mayura's kind words appeared to lighten his mood a little bit. As his cheeks returned to their normal light-beige color, he looked around the circle to see who still had no strikes to their name. After taking a brief mental note, he decided to follow Heimdall's example. He'd start off vague, then start targeting people once it got later into the game. "Never have I ever had hair longer than my chin."

The majority of the people in the circle gave him a horribly dirty glare. Reiya, Mayura, Yamino, Heimdall, and Freyr all lowered a finger reluctantly. Now Koutarou was the only one in the room without a single strike, and it was his turn after Mayura. He briefly hoped that she would be merciful on him, seeing as how they were both classmates and best friends. However, he doubted she had the attention span to do so. He did have _plans_ for her if he won.

Mayura was next. "Hmmm…never have I ever…owned a pet."

Loki was about to put a finger down when he remembered something. "W-Wait a minute! When you found Fenrir, he lived at your house for a few days. So you _did _have one!"

Her crimson eyes widened as he looked to the little black puppy at Loki's side. He yipped at her and her heart sank. "Oh…oh! Well…I didn't own him. I mean…he just stayed with me for a few days!"

She waved her arms about madly as Freyr, Loki, Heimdall and Yamino all stared at her. Although she knew it was hopeless to try and explain, she figured it wasn't fair and still tried to defend herself.

"Doesn't matter," Heimdall said, frowning because he owned a few hawks. "That's another strike for you."

"But Fenrir wasn't my pet!" she said. "Sure, I fed him and I shared my futon with him, but I didn't name him! I lost him during that power outage, remember? Besides, I came by the next day because daddy didn't want him at the temple. I sheltered him, but I technically didn't own him. So it's not a strike for me! Ha!"

Koutarou applauded Mayura's surprisingly good defense and cast Loki a mocking glare. "I'm afraid you're two down, detective."

Yamino looked down to see his father quivering with rage. Dammit,Loki swore to himself. _Even if I don't win, I refuse to lose to that brat. I refuse! He doesn't have any strikes now, but I'll be sure to remedy that._

Koutarou was perfectly aware of the child detective's negative thoughts. As the two tossed horribly cocky looks at each other, Koutarou began to think of what he could say. His problem was that he'd done many things throughout his almost two decades of living. That made it harder to choose something that, not only had he not done before, but that other people had. As far as Kakinouchi was concerned, that was very rare. He could have played it cheap by pointing out he'd never failed a test or been late to class, but that was too easy. He needed something that would really get under people's skin. After a few moments of deliberation, he got an idea. It was a gamble, but it would be interesting to see other people's answers.

He took a deep breath and said, "Never have I ever…dated someone for more than a month."

Loki, Narugami and Freyr, the three married men in the room, were frozen in an instant. Mayura noticed Loki pale and cocked her head skeptically. "What? Loki, you've dated someone? You're just a kid."

Reiya's heart looked as if had been snapped in two when Loki reluctantly gave himself another trike. Shit, he thought, looking down at his hand. He only had to get hit two more times to be out. The same was true for Narugami and Freyr.

"Uh…what qualifies as dating?" Narugami asked, hoping to find a loophole. While he did love Sif very much, they hadn't really dated before. None of the Norse Gods had. It was a very mortal pastime.

Koutarou smirked. "You know very well what I mean. It doesn't matter if it was for three weeks or just a few days…or even _one night. _If you liked them and were romantically involved, then it counts."

The three of them shifted down in their seats in disgrace. Mayura was still puzzled by Loki's answer, but let it go. Perhaps he simply had a female friend like Reiya. The later parts of Koutarou's phrase which made her blush stupidly, obviously applied to Narugami and Freyr. Although, being a visual person, she found herself turning from pink to red in a matter of seconds as she involuntarily pictured the mysterious relationships in her mind. Little did she know that if Reiya was in her true form, she's have another strike. Just the reactions for Loki, Narugami and Mr. Thief had been shocking enough.

"F-Four eyes…your turn…" said a slightly dazed Narugami, who was fidgeting under Koutarou and Heimdall's judging gazes. At least Yamino wasn't giving anyone a hard time on account of the last question, the thunder god realized with some relief. He was much more mature than that.

"Let's see…" he said, running a finger along the edge of his jaw in thought. Loki's hopes were high. Yamino was very clever, so if anyone had a chance to make a dent in the game, it was him. "Never have I ever…dated anyone _in this town_."

Everyone who had gotten a strike on the last turn smiled and laughed.

Koutarou blanched for a moment and Loki smirked. Finally, Loki said with relief as Koutarou held up four fingers. "Shouldn't you but putting down ten or eleven fingers, Kou?" Loki mocked, causing the blonde to snarl and chuckle with an immense amount of control.

"Your turn, Master Loki," Yamino said cheerfully.

Finally, Loki had a chance to get revenge. As promised, he immediately looked at Heimdall. Heimdall looked fairly relaxed under Loki's notoriously unsettling leer. The trickster god began to speak with long, dramatic pauses, hoping to drive Heimdall insane with his overly-dramatized performance. "Never have I ever kissed Mayura."

His aloof persona turned into one of embarrassment. Mayura's eyes widened as remembered the time she woke up at the zoo mysteriously and Loki had offered her his coat for her walk home. "Oh yeah…" she said, smiling when she remembered. "You kiss each other as a greeting back in your native country. Isn't that what you told me? I thought it was cute!"

Yamino's chuckled lightly and Narugami's head slowly sank into his palm. Freyr was staring at Heimdall with a loom of utter betrayal on his face. "You kissed my Classic Japanese Beauty? How dare you! I thought you were my companion, Heimdall, but I can see you're just as traitorous as Loki is! I can't believe I trusted you to go shopping with me!"

Freyr's words went unnoticed by a very flustered watchman.

"**D-Damn you Loki, you prick!** I only did it to piss you off! How dare you throw that back in my face at a time like this?" he roared. Loki's laughter made him even more enraged. Even as Freyr was sobbing on Heimdall's shoulder and Loki was cackling in his face, he tried to stay as calm as possible.

"H-Heimdall, I thought I could trust you! How dare you kiss my precious Mayura! I thought you were my most trust companion!" he said through tears.

"**Dammit, Freyr. Not now**!"

As the two bickered, Mayura merrily told Reiya from across the circle that it was her turn. The two brawling gods did not deter her from wanting to continue the game.

The little girl was so overwhelmed for the last two turns that she had barely contemplated what to say. When everyone's attention was suddenly focused on her, the ability to form coherent words vanished. After some quiet encouragement from Yamino and Mayura, she finally began to think. So far, the little girl only had one strike, putting her in the lead. She briefly wondered how she could spare her beloved Loki from losing. "N-Never have I ever…" she stammered as she nervously toyed with the bows in her hair, "…Uhm…I've never gone to school before. I usually learn my lessons at home."

Mayura and Narugami both stared at the little girl with hurt expressions. Heimdall, who technically attended prep school, was also forced by Freyr to be honest. It wasn't until Loki reminded Freyr of the time he had enrolled in high school to save Mayura's Mystery Club that he also had to give himself another strike. Mayura also recalled that memory vividly and took a moment to apologize to the thief again.

Now Heimdall, Narugami, and Freyr each had four strikes each. All three cursed under their breaths and exchanged glances, silently promising they wouldn't target each other from now on.

"I'm sorry," Reiya apologized. "Uhm…I suppose it's your turn again, Kazumi."

"Yes," Heimdall said flatly, looking around the circle for his next victim. Even a clueless man like Narugami knew the people he was going to target. "Never have I ever worn a bow around my neck."

Loki, Mayura, and Yamino disapproved of such a low blow. "I have to wear it," Daidouji protested with a stern huff. "It's part of my uniform."

"Doesn't matter," he said again in the same tone from earlier. She may have weaseled her way out of getting a strike for her last turn, but Heimdall wasn't going to let her succeed. She'd proposed the game, after all. "It still counts."

Freyr's turn was next. Thankfully, his spirits had improved since he learned of Heimdall's involvement with his precious princess. However, Heimdall also had four strikes. The fertility god decided it was time for a godly smack down. "Never have I ever had anyone else have to save me."

Everyone blinked. That was a tough one. After all, the complex relationships between everyone in the room made it difficult for anyone to object. Mayura, remembering the time Freyr had saved her from Skidblanir (but not the other constant times she needed rescuing), put down a finger and was out of the game. "Aw, man! That's no fair, Mr. Thief!"

Yamino had been saved by Loki when they'd fled to Earth, she he willingly put a finger down. Reiya also gave herself another strike for the numerous times Loki had been her prince and saved her. In fact, she was hardly saddened by the fact that Loki had rescued her. It actually made her giggle with delight.

Everything else wasn't so easy to classify. There was a difference between being rescued and being assisted. Everyone in the room was a little more quiet than necessary while waiting for Narugami to take his turn.

"Never have I ever…" Thor began slowly, looking to Yamino. "Oh yeah! Never have I ever needed to wear glasses! Haha, take that Four-eyes!"

With a grumble for such a cheap blow, Yamino added another strike to his total. Loki was starting to worry.

Koutarou turn was next. Since his last move had been so infuriatingly effective, the trickster god was very interested to see the teen's next move. After some thinking, the blonde looked up and said frankly, "Never have I ever gotten more than one strike."

Everyone glared at the man with nothing short of pure hatred.

Narugami almost punched him.

Loki would have summoned Laevatinn right there if it hadn't been for massive restraint on Yamino's part to keep his father from assaulting the blond like an enraged child.

Fenrir, who'd been watching in silence, actually laughed. He knew Kakinouchi was an infuriating brat, but the puppy did appreciate his ability to be tact. That met five people were officially out in one turn. In total, six people had been eliminated. Only Reiya (who was now up to three strikes) and Koutarou remained.

It was quite the peculiar face-off. Mayura watched in nothing short of pure astonishment. She sat down next to Koutarou. "Wait, there's only you to left, right?" she said, gesticulating to Reiya. When she nodded, Mayura's glossed lips curved into a grin. There was clearly an idea brewing in her head. "Then we must have a tie-breaker! As the first one to be eliminated from the game, I will be the one to say the scenarios. This will be **sudden death**!"

The last two words were accentuated with a too-deep voice that made Reiya jump in fear a tad.

"Are you both ready?"

The little girl was unsure of what to say, but when Koutarou gave her a little wink, she remembered it was just a fun game she was playing with friends. "Y-Yes."

"I'm ready as well."

"Okay," Mayura said, trying to think of something that would make the final round interesting. "Oh, I know! Never have I ever been kissed by someone who has a crush on me!"

Loki smacked himself between the eyes. What a dumb final question. The trickster god briefly wondered if there was a denser mortal on the planet. Mayura, so far, was the most impressive specimen he'd seen.

Color returned to Reiya's cheeks in a flash. "I…uh…"

"My goodness," Koutarou said with a long exhale. He knifed his fingers through his hair and looked at Mayura squarely. "That's such a dumb ending question, Mayura."

"Huh? Why…?"

She was about to question him further when, out of nowhere, he gently took her jaw into his hand and pressed his lips against her. Reiya, who'd been red in the face before, was the color of a perfectly aged wine. Mayura staid still against Koutarou until, a few seconds later, he pulled away and wiped his mouth. Everyone, including Mayura, was agape.

Loki looked at Koutarou with a small smile. What a brat, he thought with a chuckle. A clever, smart, intuitive, and generous brat.

"Perhaps we should depart and leave them alone," Yamino said with an emotionless stare. "After all, I do believe this is what most people consider to be a _private moment_…"

"No way," Loki said with a smirk. "Not in my study and not on my floor. Anyway, it would appear the game is over. Reiya is the winner."

The little girl, who had not been out to win the game anyway, was very happy regardless to have the opportunity to do whatever she wanted with Mayura. Perhaps they could go to a café together or go shopping. When she turned to talk to her about it, Koutarou had initiated another kiss that Mayura, judging by her movements, had no intentions of rejections.

She hugged the scrap of paper against her chest uncomfortably. "I-I'll talk to you later, Mayura!" Reiya barely managed to say before she had to flee out of humiliation.

Everyone else, even a traumatized Freyr, was forced out of the room by Yamino and Loki. Fenrir, who was still in shock by the sudden turn of events, trotted out of the room with a newfound respect for the spoiled brat and a desire to take a long nap. Just watching the series of events the game had spawned was entertaining enough to make him want to sleep for days.

"You two," the little god said, snapping his fingers. "You're a lovely couple, really. But kiss somewhere else, please. I need to get back to work."

Koutarou pulled back again and said, "There. It may have taken nineteen years, but that's okay. It was worth it."

Mayura touched her lips and, as Kakinoushi went to leave the study, she stopped his by grabbing the sleeve of his jacket and yanking him backwards. "W-Wait a moment! That's not fair. W-What if I didn't have a crush on you?"

He chuckled and tossed his head back in amusement. "I believe the real question is; how could you not?"

She went to reply and found that she could. He was handsome, rich, and most importantly…had been her best friend since she'd started high school. Even though he'd always been aloof, he'd never been a total jerk to her or her friends.

"I don't care if you feel the same about me," he said, going to ruffle her bubblegum locks. With a sincere smile, he placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'm going to be serious just for a moment, okay?"

She nodded, gazing up at him innocently. Part of her was hoping he'd kiss her lips again.

"Happy birthday, Mayura. Sometimes I wonder why you're my best friend…but I'm always glad you are."

He turned to leave again, unaware of Loki watching from behind the study door. When Mayura got close enough, he used just the slightest bit of magic to make her stumble and plant her face against his back.

"S-Sorry!" she screamed, nearly falling to the floor after jumping back. A nonchalant grin adored his face. "I tripped on the rug I guess. Did I hurt you?"

"Not at all. I'll walk you home, oaky? And here, I'll hold onto your hand to keep you from falling again."

When she didn't object, Loki laughed and sauntered down the hallway to find his other companions. So, Mayura's game had been Koutarou's game all along, and nobody had known. The trickster god was hardly known for complementing others, but he had to give Koutarou props.

After all, with a boyfriend, perhaps they'd finally get some much needed peace and quiet around the agency. Mayura was a wonderful friend, but a horrible assistant.

**-END-**

This took almost four hours because I'm slow and kept getting distracted by the music I was listening to. Anyway, this was my last day as an 18-year-old…I turn 19 on Mother's day (May 12th). Since I love this show, I wanted to do a related tribute. :)

I hope it was decent!

And sorry if you're not a MayuKou fan. I hope you still enjoyed the other 95% of this fanfic!


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